My lapband has been unhappy with me.

Sunday night, I ate some homemade beef oriental (which is quite good and Kevin has been eating the left overs all week). I overcooked the beef, so somethign got stuck, and I ended up hacking stuff up like a cat the rest of the night.

Monday night, I made a pork chop, but I believed the cookbook, and managed to horribly overcook it. I ate maybe a third of it, and it was quite good, but dry. Which got stuck, and again, the hacking up like a cat.

At this point, a sane person would have stuck to liquids for a day to let the swelling and everything go down. But no! i eat the chicken out of a lean cuisine. Which was fine. And then I had a bite of the rice. DANGER DANGER DANGER.

Yeah, stuckitude. I spent the rest of the day hacking up like a cat. And then I ate a package of 100 calorie chocoalte chip cookies. More Hacking. I had a cup of hot cocoa for dinner once everything cleared out, and I feel fine today.

But I'm still sticking with liquid and soft stuff until tonight. I dont' think I'm too tight - I just think I'm an idiot. :)

(I'm going to try to make another pork chop though - it was yummy!)

So, I haven't posted about it in forever, and folks have asked questions that I've evilly not answered.

So, how am I doing? Well, pretty well. My last weight was sadly 156 - I've gained 10 pounds from my low. Thanks evil overfill + Christmas! But, I started taking my glucophage again, which totally has helped iwth the sugar cravings. I've also set up systems where I have healthy food options - or at least, low calorie ones. When I get the afternoon munchies, I've been eating a 100 calorie back of a treat. That does help, and keeps me from splurging on a 220 calorie (or more!) candy bar.

I didn't eat enough dinner last night, so I was hungry most of the night, which sucked. Anyways, here's what I ate yesterday:

1. One package of organic oatmeal, flavored with cinnamon and raisins - 170 calories.
2. One healthy choice meal. The total calorie count on it is 280, but I only ate the chicken and dessert.
3. One 100 calorie snack pack thing.
4. 5 chicken strip thingies with a bit of buffalo sauce - that's a bit over 220 calories.
5. Two more 100 calorie snack pack things.
6. A piece of cheese =- 60 calories.

So, that's a total of 930 calories, which isn't too bad. I should have had some veggies with dinner, but I was being lazy bones. Oh, and I didn't count in the sugar free creamer in my coffee - that's probably another max of 60 calories. (I don't think I use a whole tablespoon in each of my two cups, but I'm not measuring - I should start.)

I haven't weighed myself, but the tighter pants are doing a bit better, so that's a good sign. What's annoying is that it's going to take me probably at least 5 weeks to get back down to my low. And I need to excercise tonight.

Here's the NBC Nightly News story about the new study out about gastric bypass:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032619/

(Scroll down to Stomach Surgery Risk, I think its called. You'll have to use IE to view it. Bah.)

Towards the end it talks about Lap-band, which is not at all included in this study. The study is only for gastric bypass.

(The study more or less says that gastric bypass is much more risky than thought. Overall, 2% of patients who get gastric bypass die in the first month, and 4.6% die in the first year. 20% are readmitted to the hospital for complications. The lap-band, in contrast, has a death rate of 1 in 2000. To give you an idea, if I had gotten RnY (the most popular gastric bypass procedure) and stretched out my pouch, I'd be screwed. They'd have had to reoperate to fix it. With lap-band, they just open up my band and let things settle.)

Speaking of my open band, damn am I hungry. I had completely forgotten how my appetite was pre-banding. I'm so hungry I'm actually _crabby_.

Oreos are not liquid. Even if they are sitting in our "Skeleton Food Court" at work and are free and I keep seeing them.

Oreos are not liquid. Not even if you dunk them in another liquid.

*repeats and is good*

Oh, and if anyone (Kevinsweetie) is trying to call me today, you may or may not get me, given the fact taht we've switched to a new phone system, but somehow didn't completely switch, so I have no clue where my phone calls are going, honestly. But I"ll keep an eye on my phone mail. :)

The Lap-Band Liquid, it is gone!

Mainly, I went to see Dr. Horgan, and it turns out, I enlarged my pouch. I'm guessing it was by getting a little bit tight, and then being a stubborn ass and not going in for another month. That meant that nothing was really passing through, and it was all staying in the upper pouch for longer than it should. Combine that with vomitting, and you enlarge things.

It's not serious, but they treat it by taking out all the fluid in your lap-band, and putting you on a liquid diet for 2 weeks. And then they start slowly refilling you.

In good news, though, everyone said I looked fabulous, and that losing 50 pounds since April was great.

(I just looked at a ton of flouros on the web, and my band doesn't look like the ones that slipped, so I feel better about knowing it isn't a slippage.)

Edit: This isn't how my band is positioned, and my pouch wasn't this large, but this link shows sort of the problem.

Hah! You can lose weight on the chicken strip and ice cream diet!

Okay, not really. But the scale said 146 this morning, so I'll take it. I think the lowest before that was 147.5. My BMI is 30.5. Just antoher pound, and I"ll be overweight! Go poundage go!

Oh, and I called for an adjustment this Friday. This time, I'm going to be firm in wanting a bit taken out. If it doesn't help, I can always get more put back in.

Okay, I'm like 2 pounds away to being just overweight, instead of obese, but this stuff pisses me off:

http://www.yale.edu/rudd/pdf/bias_discrimination_and.pdf

Here are some snippets:

An example is a study using written descriptions of
hypothetical managers (12). Managers described as average
weight were rated as significantly more desirable supervisors,
and overweight managers were judged more harshly
for undesirable behaviors (such as taking credit) than were
average weight managers. Similarly, in a study by Klassen
et al. (13), women students (N
216) read employee
summaries of nine fictitious women employees, varying in
weight and in stereotypical descriptions associated with
obesity and thinness. Participants indicated the most desire
to work with thin targets and the least desire to work with
obese targets, although participants did not rely on stereotypical
perceptions of weight in recommending harsh discipline
to employees.

Overweight applicants were significantly less
likely to be recommended for hiring than average-weight
applicants, and overweight applicants were judged as significantly
less neat, productive, ambitious, disciplined, and
determined (15).

A comprehensive literature review by Roehling (22) summarizes
numerous work-related stereotypes reported in over
a dozen laboratory studies. Overweight employees are assumed
to lack self-discipline, be lazy, less conscientious,
less competent, sloppy, disagreeable, and emotionally unstable.
Obese employees are also believed to think slower,
have poorer attendance records, and be poor role models
(23). These stereotypes could affect wages, promotion,
and termination.
There is evidence of a significant wage penalty for obese
employees. This takes several forms: lower wages of obese
employers for the same job performed by non-obese counterparts,
fewer obese employees being hired in high-level
positions, and denial of promotions to obese employees. A
study of over 2000 women and men (18 years of age and
older) reported that obesity lowered wage growth rates by
nearly 6% in 1982 to 1985 (24).
Although both obese men and women face wage-related
obstacles, they experience discrimination in different ways.
An analysis from the National Longitudinal Survey Youth
Cohort examined earnings in over 8000 men and women 18
to 25 years old and reported that obese women earned 12%
less than non-obese women (25). Like studies to follow, this
investigation indicated that the economic penalty of obesity
seems to be specific to women.

Obese men
do not face a similar wage penalty but are under-represented
and paid less than non-obese men in managerial and professional
occupations and are over-represented in transportation
occupations, suggesting that obese men engage in
occupational sorting to counteract a wage penalty (26).

Physicians associated obesity
and other negatively perceived conditions with poor hygiene,
noncompliance, hostility, and dishonesty. The
authors concluded that physicians’ responses may reflect
Protestant ethic values, which emphasize self-discipline,
persistence in the face of adversity, and achievement—
characteristics that physicians believed were low or absent
in patients with conditions like obesity and alcoholism (40).
Similarly, a study of 318 family physicians using anonymous
questionnaires found that two-thirds reported that
their obese patients lacked self-control, and 39% stated that
their obese patients were lazy (41).
Another study examined attitudes about obese patients in
health care professionals specializing in nutrition (N
52)
and found that 87% believed that obese persons are indulgent,
74% believed that they have family problems, and
32% believed that they lack willpower (42). Furthermore,
88% said that obesity was a form of compensation for
lack of love or attention, and 70% attributed the cause to
emotional problems.

Most available studies have assessed physician attitudes
and beliefs, which may or may not affect their practice, and,
other health care professionals have not been studied in
detail. Research has failed to account for the fact that obese
patients may delay or cancel medical appointments for a
variety of reasons, such as anxiety about being weighed or
disrobing regardless of how supportive health care professionals
may be. Still, it is clear that health professionals
share general cultural anti-fat attitudes. Considering that
bias affects many of the ways individuals interact with
stigmatized groups, it would be surprising if medical practices
were immune.

Even with some evidence of cost-savings for some
weight-loss methods, medical coverage is inconsistent. Surgical
treatment is often not reimbursed even though diseases
with less supported treatments are compensated (79). Some
have explicitly pointed to prejudice against obesity surgery
by insurance providers who are preventing its broader acceptance
and use in practices (80). As Frank (81) concludes,
“. . . no claim to justify the denial of benefits for the treatment
of obesity has any validity when held to the standards
of health insurance otherwise available in the United
States. It should be obvious that such a judgment is ethically
unconscionable.”
It is typical for health insurance plans to explicitly exclude
obesity treatment for coverage (82). Physicians often
have difficulties receiving reimbursement for their services
(79). Many reimbursement systems do not categorize obesity
as a disease, leading physicians to report comorbid
disorders as the reason for their services (79).

It goes on and on - it's just grim.

I exercised last night. I know, you all just fell down and died in shock. I do have to say one thing for my lap-band - for the last six weeks, I've been a total slacker. I've eaten crap. I haven't exercised much (unless you count the two mile total walk to get to the yarn shop downtown). After much badness, I've gained...

One pound.

Yup, that's it. Anyways, two things happened yesterday. One, I saw my sister's wedding pictures (Aimee, can I post a link to the site that has them?) - she looks gorgeous. I looked like a deranged troll. Two, I watched a special on a 676 pound woman who got gastric bypass.

So, I decided maybe I want to lose those last 30 pounds after all. I'm not sure it'll help with the deranged troll part, but at least I won't be 676 pounds. :)

Anyways, I read the wls forum here, which is mainly gastric bypass folks. Here's a thread on what they ate yesterday:

http://www.livejournal.com/community/wls/2016909.html

What struck me is how differently I eat. Here's what I had yesterday (when I was attempting to be "good"):

A fake mocha - 30 calories (no real milk)
One light yogurt (110 calories)
The chicken out of a Healthy Choice meal, plus the dessert. Total calories for the meal is 270, but I didn't eat the veggies or potatoes.
A King Size Twix Bar. Oops. That's what, 440 calories? Geez. I'm a dork.
Two chicken strips with buffalo sauce - 200 calories.

What I should do is add in an afternoon healthy snack (and thus not be tempted by chocolate goodness). I also need to drink more water. I also probably need a slight unfill - I think I get the afternoon munchies so bad because I'm not eating enough at meals.

One thing about calories is that while that looked like a reasonably low calorie day, even with the twix, calories sneak up on you. They hide. I'm sure I underestimated. The only real measure is whether or not you are losing weight - if you aren't, you are eating too much. I actually got into an argument with a lady who was talking about how she didn't think the lap-band would help because she already eats 1200 calories a day, and isn't losing weight.

Well, honestly, she's not eating 1200 calories a day if she's not losing weight (at the weight she's at). No matter how carefully you count, you screw up. And even packaged stuff isn't necessarily totally accurate.

I have sort of a weird attitude about weight loss these days. One, I recognize that most obese folks do need intervention beyond saying "diet and exercise". 95% of folks fail at diets. On the other hand, I'm much less willing to say "Oh, well, you must be special and have a certain reason why you weigh 300 pounds". It's sort of an odd combination.

I ate some lunch.

I do not feel like I'm going to spew.

This is a good thing. I even ate some veggies.

I really probably need an unfill - its such a pain in the ass to eat that I end up eating mushy stuff. But I had beef today, and was careful to chew, and it worked out fine. So maybe I Just need to chew and not be a big baby.

The lap-band gods are out to get me.

Well, actually, I had mexican last night, which led to heartburn, which is now leading to being really really tight this morning. As in, I can feel the last sip of latte just sitting there in the upper stomach. Ew. Hate that.

(Mexican was _excellent_, though. Not sure it was worth the heartburn, though.)

Anyways, for some reason, I've just been fighting my lap-band lately. Eating mushy foods, not watching calories, pouting, you get the idea. Which is why I'm still at 147.

It doesn't help that right now, I feel, well, pretty. I know I should lose that last 30 pounds, but dammit, I feel pretty. Hee.

Dear Stubborn Ass Gail,

You cannot eat french fries. Please stop trying. They don't even taste good.

Love,

Reasonable Gail

Guess what I'm wearing today?

Size 10 Petite jeans. And they fit, and are comfy and cute.

I realize that a size 10 these days isn't the same as a size 10 was in high school, but I was last this size in, yes, high school.

I also went through my dresser and door chest and the ironing pile, and found 4 garbage bags full of clothes to give away. Which is why I bought a new pair of jeans - all my other pants were far too big to wear.

I'm still a 14P on top - damn boobs. So finding a dress will be an interesting experience, I'm betting.

You know, this blog has sucked lately. I'm sorry. My knitting blog has been getting pretty much all my attention, honestly.

But, on to the lap-band fun.

This morning, I weighed 147.5. Which makes me happy indeed. It was 148.5 yesterday morning - weird how weight comes off in spurts, really. I'm also very very close to breaking the 30 BMI number, which would make me merely overweight, rather than Obese.

I'm also wearing a shirt that my mom gave me a while back that was actually pretty snug the last time I wore it - its too big now. (It's a large from Coldwater Creek.)

Aimee said she had pictures of me right before my surgery, from our trip to San Diego. She certainly did!

So, here's a real before and after. Okay, Okay, I can see the difference now.



It's a little small, but it gives you the idea. Oh, and Aimee said she looked "rough" in that picture - she's craaaazy. And I couldn't manage to select stuff out of images this morning. Damn GIMP.

I'm at 150.5 this morning. Just a bit more to the 40s! My BMI is 31.4 today, so I no longer qualify for surgery with my Surgeon. Muahahahahaha.

Oh, and if you want to see side by side pictures, go here:

http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/profile.phtml?N=L1110927395

That's my obesity help profile. Scroll down to the bottom for the pictures. They aren't the best (I don't have a ton from heavier days), but it gives you a little idea.

I did throw up last night, but that was my own fault - I was eating far too quickly. I worked out last night - I need to get back into the habit of it. I watched part of a documentary on Nazis and Concentration Camps - that was interesting, so that always helps. I wonder if I could read and exercise at the same time?

This morning, I weigh 153. How this is possible, given the ice cream eating and the donut(s) yesterday, I have no idea, but I"ll take it. That's down 2.5 pounds in a week, which is darn good. I have been exercising (although not every day like I should) - last night, I did 2.8 miles in 30 minutes, and burned 300 calories. I might make it to the 140s after all by September.

In my new shirt.   I don't know if I like this picture of me, though, but its from today.

Yes, I do enjoy spending 7.03 on breakfast (well, that includes water) and only being able to eat 5 bites of it.

Maybe I can't eat eggs anymore.   Bah.

Update:

And I had a meeting with my mentor which I spent the entire time burping up eggs. Ew. Yes, I'm paying attention, please ignore the egg burps. At least it was on the phone so she couldn't see my face going in uncomfortable directions.

*burp*
*ew*

Last you heard from me, lap-band official wise, I had had a tight fill, and lost 3.5 pounds in a week, putting me at 159.5. Yay! I then promptly regained 2 pounds. I worked on losing those 2 pounds again, and this morning, I'm at 158.5.

I had to look at my eating habits, and I realized that while I had gotten all the junk out of the house, and stopped my bad snacking, I had managed to replace it all with "healthy" junk food. Sure, I wasn't eating peanut butter cups, but I had just replaced them with Kashi Go Lean bars, South Beach Bars, and No Pudge Ice cream cones - all ranging from 120-180 calories. I had justified it in my head as them being high in protein and fiber, and thus, all was good.

Of course, not hardly. Calories are calories, and I was eating more than my fair share. The other thing I realized is that I wasn't paying enough attention in how I'm eating - I wasn't chewing enough or going slow enough, so I couldn't finish a bandster portion. An hour later, once things cleared up (I've never thrown up, thank god), I was hungry again, and the snacking would start. I've started chewing as well as I can, trying to make sure I'm eating a good amount at meals, and got rid of all the "healthy" bars and treats.

So that's what this new bandster has learned. And I've been excerising on our new elliptical trainer. I have to admit, I hate it, but I'm also able to do 2.55 miles in 30 minutes, and I feel stronger just walking around, so its a good thing. I've been entertaining myself by watching an old BBC/PBS program called "Connections" on BBC. It's from 1979 or so, and is great fun.

Oh, and SoBe Lean Diet Energy? The best stuff ever. I love it. It is tasty!

Here I am, working out on our new elliptical trainer. Kevin insists I look cute. I'm not so convinced, but hey, I was working out.



I had only just started, so that's why I'm still smiling. Heh.

In other news, I completely redesigned the blog. Head over to my main page to see. For the geeky types, I changed to the 3 columns S2 format, and then tinkered with the style sheets and functions until I got what I wanted. I'm sure I'll change the colors some more.

(I'm posting so late at night, on a Friday, that this post is sure to be noticed by no one. Muahahahaha.)